Wednesday, July 23, 2014

#TMNT NEWS! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Official Trailer(s?)

Okay, so I finally decided to take a look at the new TMNT movie's trailer.


Boy do I regret it. No kidding.

Let's leave any nostalgia, etc. aside, okay? Can we do that? No fanboy-ism - EITHER WAY. Let's have a clean unbiased look at BOTH these following trailers. Era they were released in aside.

First this:


And now this:

Okay. One second to ponder.

Alright, any biased judgement aside. I clearly see above a pretty generic looking film (does the word cinematography even mean anything to anyone working in films these days?). CGi-aside, the Turles look unnecessary huge and clustered with random objects (I guess, to make "HD" look detailed). Raph is... okay-ysh. Mickey's probably the worst case of uncanny valley I've ever seen, that face... And Donnie's exaggerated nerd look (look, glasses, nerd! get it? get it????). But those huge shells look really big for no reason. I can't believe they will enter manhole covers to enter the NYC sewers.. Shredder is basically a Transformer (yeah, I know, Michael Bay's not directing it...but he was basically overseeing it and some people made sure this looked like a film put out from the same assembly line). And I still can't stand this Megan whatever... Ugh... Sure, it looks like a film where a lot of money was thrown on screen, but surely that doesn't make "quality" entertainment. "Son of the Mask" is one of the most expensive ever produced, doesn't mean it's any good.

The second trailer, the original film, while clearly a product of its time seems to be having fun with it. People are having a blast. And it shows! It's fun! And the actual film turned out much darker than this silly little trailer! (DAAAAAAMN!!!) Plus look at how well portrayed the Turtles were despite costumes! These 4-costumed Turtles have better acting than 2014's "April O'Neil"!!

Alright, now final point.

The... ugh.. "music".  Or should I say "generic" music that is going to be the new film's main "rap" theme song.

Here's Juicy J, Wiz Khalifa & Ty Dolla $ign's "Shell Shocked":

There's some modern beats. It's a pretty random modern tune. And I dare you to remember it in 2-3 years, let alone listen to it again by then.

Now if you wanna compare it to the "old cheesy campy films", actually compare it to the first film's main rap theme song, Partners in Kryme's "Turtle Power":

Sure, it summarizes the entire film (well, some errors aside, "Raphael's the leader.."????). But it's catchy. And like the film itself, fun! And look at Donnie and Mickey along the guy at the end, they're clearly having fun and goofing around in those amazing suits!

And people tend to always go to TMNT2's "Ninja Rap" for no reason, well to be honest when they're trying to attack the old films. But Vanilla Ice's "Ninja Rap" wasn't exactly that bad:

And why randomly going for THIS song? Why not the awful TMNT3's fantastic ZZ Top song "Can't Stop Rockin'" instead!?! Surely that awful Juicy Shell Shocked rap can't compare to the darn' rocking TOPS!!

And speaking of Shell Shocked, TMNT 2007's Gym Class Heroes' "Shell Shock" was way better and worked so much more with the Turtles. Check it out:

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is... wait for a cheap second hand DVD release or screener-torrent the new film.


  1. Biased wise, yeah, I don't think I'd be too into it either. But at the same time... doesn't seem as bad as the first trailer I watched? I mean, it looks like it won't have a lot of things I'd be into, yet it almost seems harmless and maybe enjoyable. And like Simon Furman of Transformers comics fame said about the movies not being targeted at him but a different audience, I can say the same about this. It's not for me, but I can clearly tell it's going to be a movie a lot of other people, especially younger kids, will most definitely like.

    I might like it, I might hate it, but I get the feeling it'll do pretty well regardless.

    1. I have the feeling it's going to do extremely well. In fact I'm sure it will be huge at the box office no doubt, mixed, good or awful reviews aside.

      In fact, the more bland and generic your product the better it will do internationally.

      I mean, the most popular TV format around the world is Reality TV! Not comedies, not hour-long dramas. But reality TV! The same goes for music. Not original songs, stuff from the indie scene, or whatever. But whatever comes from random "pop idols", those same reality TV shows or the likes.

      So of course movies don't need to be good to make a lot of $$$. They just need to market well those kind of movies.
      And Michael Bay (producing it) will make sure it is extremely well marketed.

      Man, I was pretty open about this... and then the trailer had to shut me up and prove me other wise... that bit with them "dancing" in the elevator at the end... augh.. 'reminded me of the worst parts of the Transformers movies...