MR Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

I'm finally reviewing this one now, because... Well, I just waited for it to come on DVD, and then to buy a cheap second-hand copy to see it. There. I said it!

Just on time for the sequel!

Find more TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA REVIEWS on this very same blog!

Eastman and Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Turtle Soup #4

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - The Secret of the Ooze - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Nes)
Next Mutation / TMNT (2007) / Turtles Forever
Nickelodeon's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Vol.1 (IDW)

#Movie NEWS! New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 Trailer

This new trailer makes the new TMNT movie look actually kind of decent and fun:



Man, I just wish they had recasted April and slightly redesign the turtles. (Why not even make it a soft-reboot after the last one?) The rest looks fine though.

#Movie NEWS! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of the Shadows

You know, the TMNT reboot is a pretty bad film, but this sequel can only go up if you think about it.

They just retitled the sequel Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows. Yes, like that awful game that came out not long ago (which I still think was based on the original earlier draft of the Michael Bay reboot, both character design-wise and plot-wise). The sequel will be directed by a newcomer this time, Dave Green.

And they have recast most of the secondary characters, sadly Megan Fox's still in it ruining everything with her bland face and awfully robotic acting once more. But they also got Arrow star Stephen Amell as Casey Jones (!!) and the debut of Bebop and Rocksteady played by Gary Anthony Williams and Stephen "Sheamus" Farrelly respectiviely!

 Friggin' Bebop and Rocksteady!!!!!

Woah! What? YESSSS!!

I also love how they appear to be based on their recent IDW comics interpretation:

With a new Karai cast as well, does that mean they'll have the same role as in the current comics??

Here's a very shirt first look trailer:



... it looks like it could actually really be fun this time!

My only problem is still the same - way to busy photography, awful CGi character design and shaky filmography. Sigh...

On another hand, here's a couple of fantastic cheesy teaser posters for the film:

Did those guys travel back from the past or what!?!?!?

#Randomz - Michael Bay quits Samsung's press conference

Speaking of Michael Bay, here's Bay's famous epic "rage quit" he "performed" at a Samsung's press conference a while ago.

In my eyes, I think this summarizes Michael Bay "The Man" (and not Michael Bay "The Film Director") perfectly:



Don't compare it to a mere "panic attack" or something. Simply put, Michael Bay was pretenting to talk like some actual artist. Without shiny explosions, CGi overload, etc. there's not a lot of thought "up there". So he made a run for it.

"Unbelievable ideas". Yeah, right. Once the teleprompter runs out, you wonder where those ideas are...

#Parody - MICHAEL BAY'S EVANGELION

It's time for another Animation Domination High-Def parody short, it's been a long time!



Not enough pro-military stuff in there to truly feel like a true Michael Bay production. And this didn't feel "racist enough" to feel like one of his films either. I can't believe I just wrote "racist enough". That's Bay's influence for you.

#Randomz - Michael Bay's Battletoads "Official" Trailer

Pretty much on point here.



You know what? I would almost have preferred it actually be a Battletoads movie to be honest.

#FanFilmFriday - Michael Bay's MY LITTLE PONY: The Live-Action Film!

Okay, this is pretty much what you'd get:

#TMNT NEWS! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Official Trailer(s?)

Okay, so I finally decided to take a look at the new TMNT movie's trailer.

And...

Boy do I regret it. No kidding.

Let's leave any nostalgia, etc. aside, okay? Can we do that? No fanboy-ism - EITHER WAY. Let's have a clean unbiased look at BOTH these following trailers. Era they were released in aside.

First this:



Okay?

And now this:



Okay. One second to ponder.

Alright, any biased judgement aside. I clearly see above a pretty generic looking film (does the word cinematography even mean anything to anyone working in films these days?). CGi-aside, the Turles look unnecessary huge and clustered with random objects (I guess, to make "HD" look detailed). Raph is... okay-ysh. Mickey's probably the worst case of uncanny valley I've ever seen, that face... And Donnie's exaggerated nerd look (look, glasses, nerd! get it? get it????). But those huge shells look really big for no reason. I can't believe they will enter manhole covers to enter the NYC sewers.. Shredder is basically a Transformer (yeah, I know, Michael Bay's not directing it...but he was basically overseeing it and some people made sure this looked like a film put out from the same assembly line). And I still can't stand this Megan whatever... Ugh... Sure, it looks like a film where a lot of money was thrown on screen, but surely that doesn't make "quality" entertainment. "Son of the Mask" is one of the most expensive ever produced, doesn't mean it's any good.

The second trailer, the original film, while clearly a product of its time seems to be having fun with it. People are having a blast. And it shows! It's fun! And the actual film turned out much darker than this silly little trailer! (DAAAAAAMN!!!) Plus look at how well portrayed the Turtles were despite costumes! These 4-costumed Turtles have better acting than 2014's "April O'Neil"!!

Alright, now final point.

#Movie NEWS! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV trailer

Oh my glob...

That new "BayJa Turtles" movie might even be worse than I thought...

*let's try to stay open minded*

Ahem. New TV trailer, showing Splinter, even more of these dumb gigantic Battletoads-esque turtles and more Megan Plastic Fox:



This has "trainwreck of the year" marked all over it.... And we almost got Brett Ratner directing it...

Lens flare! Shaky cams! Obvious CGi is obvious!

But now... taken from the HD version of he previous trailer (on that link above), this movie might actually really suggest there might be a whole (alien?) species of "Ninja Turtles" out there. They might have been waging a war against Utrom/Krang/Kraang-like creatures through what appears to be feudal Japan(??).

From that scene where we have a glimpse at the white-washed Shredder (booo!!):

See!
They even got the 1980s Krang in there!

Well that might sound awesome... are those giant Samurai Turtles fighting an army of ninjas AND Krang-ysh aliens!?! Damn'...

...

And I tried to be open minded... but it's really hard... this movie is making it really hard to stay "optimist" about another childhood classic getting the generic Hollywood treatment...

#Movie NEWS! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles official trailer

Oh, my glob... It's even worse than I thought it would be...



... I'm zero motivated about this whole thing. I knew it wouldn't be that great... but come on, there's so many things bad with it. Even the few who are trying to call it good know in their heart in a couple years they'll either will have forgotten all about it or remember it as that awful TMNT film...

Let's get the good stuff away right out:
- Some throwaway references to the original comics/original movie/and 80s series (April a reporter, the metro reveal scene, etc.)
- It's a modern TMNT film (which for some youngster = good movie, because they can't accept older movies or something...)
- ... and that's it.

Now the REALLY BAD:
- I know from the start, after the casting PR, this was going to be bad... but Megan Fox in a movie? Usually never a good sign.
- Oroku Saki/Shredder is a white guy now. 'Nuff said!!!
- this feels and exactly looks like Bay!Formers. They didn't even need to properly get Michael Bay as director to make it bad... He probably not only acted as Executive Producer but probably was on the set and helped the production along.
- awful cheap CGi. While these generic 3D  graphics look perfectly "fine" and decent on robots, it just looks plain cheap on the Turtles. I mean even TMNT 3's cheap froggy suits looked better and more real than this crap!
- cheesy dialogues? check. cliché blockbuster trailer/action scenes? check.
- convulsed unnecessary reboot? double check!

I was all up for a new TMNT film! Even using CGi! And rebooting the franchise! I wasn't expecting much...

And all we got was this Bay!Formers-copy-paste job with a slight TMNT flavor to it...

I predict.. it will actually make quite a ton of cash. But quantity (of cash at the box office) doesn't mean quality. So this will be quickly ditched and forgotten, I imagine.

The generic art direction (what art direction?!?), the CGi, the casting (Plastic Bimbo-Fox and white-washed Shredder..)... argh.. this is so bad...

..on another hand, this will finally make TMNT3 good in retrospective. Kinda how the RoboCop reboot and The Legend of Chunli made RoboCop 3 and Van Damme's Street Fighter respetcively a ton better in comparison.

#Cowabunga NEWS! More leaked Ninja Turtles reboot stuff

It really looks like the Turtles will look this dorky and wear random junk & clothes in Michael Bay's reboot. Michael Bay and Paramount have been asking people to take out the leaked stuff.

Why? Don't they like the free advertisment and having people talk about the new designs... or do they fear the ridicule of their new direction?!

Anyways, more leaked stuff, this time actual character concepts and models from the shoot, how they will actually look like IN THE FILM. One step closer...

We're definitively going with the extra clothing. And OF COURSE, they're gonna sport ridiculous elbow pads... Also they look way more like samurais than ninjas.

It's like the 1990s finally caught the simplistic and perfect design of Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman's characters. 

Shredder looks... Okay, I guess.

And I see way too much Decepticons in Shredder design here... sigh..

The real problem is that they casted the whitest guy ever to play this Japanese ninja clan leader.. I mean, William Fichtner?????? Really??? (and don't throw any "James Avery" at me - 1) he was AWESOME and 2) he was only a voice actor, come on!)

Nooo. The real problem lies in...

.
GAH!! I forgot she was in the film... Why?!?! Whyyyyyyyyyy???

A trailer will supposedly hit the world before August 8, that's when the movie's coming out. Bay can't hide them forever.

#Cowabunga NEWS! Is this the first look at the upcoming new Ninja Turtles?

People were expecting to get the first look at the new TMNT live action incarnations from upcoming toys announced for this Summer, instead this leaked picture of upcoming costumes revealed the first look at the Platinum Dunes-rebooted Ninja Turtles...

...and I'm pretty sure this is accurately how the redesign shellheads will look like.

I'll go as far as saying that if this was a fake, they will probably end up exactly looking like this. (mark my words!)

It certainly looks perfectly in line with what Hollywood's been producing recently, design-wise. I feel a bit of Amazing Spider-man's lizard in this.

Let's take this for "granted" and examine it, shall we? Awful "hip" shorts, silly glasses, ugly CGi texture. Even if this is a costume, I don't think the movie version, in action, will look any better. (Does CGi in blockbusters these days ever look better?)

This ain't the nostalgia talking, believe me, but that face... Cheap Halloween costume or not here... That face looks awful...

I believe the original 1990 movie or the current Nickelodeon cartoon did both a much better job at taking Eastman & Laird's characters into a 3-dimensional plane.... Sigh... And Michael Bay & the crew just announced plans for 3 Turtles movies... *rolls eyes*

#Parody - Honest Trailers: Transformers

I've been really enjoying these Honest Trailers from Screen Junkies.

Check this one out:

#Movie NEWS! Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

Ugh.. if these behind-the-scenes pics give an idea the direction the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle will look like, color me worried.

CGi Turtles over motion capture actors/stuntman.
Megan Fox as April O'Neil.
Michael Bay even more involved in the film after the debacle when people find out Bay's company Anchory Bay handling this movie reboot as (and possibly Alien) Ninja Turtles.
Did I say Megan Fox? I repeat. Megan Fox. Ughh..

Plus the recent 2013 Video Game probably gives us an idea what to expect. I still believe it was a video game tie-in that got scrapped/retooled for a digital release. Probably the scrapped look they were going for prior to the whole Alien Turtles-thing.

Why am I not feeling it? Can get a proper film director probably a Joe Johnston or Joe Dante. Someone who has actually already made great successful career (in terms of quality/reception) and who is preferably not on his first/second film.

Just...

Ugh...

MR A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

One, two, Freddy's coming for you....

The monsters come out at night to hack and slash in these HORRIFIC reviews!

Friday the 13th series / Friday the 13th (2009) / Book One (Wildstorm) / Book Two
Freddy vs Jason
Elm Street series / A Nightmare on Elm Street (WildStorm)
Halloween series / Halloween (2007) / NightDance / Halloween (Chaos! Comics)
Chucky series / Chucky (Devil's Due Publishing)
Candyman series
 Re-Animator series
Hack/Slash Vol. 1&2 / Vol. 3 Friday the 31st
Tucker & Dale
Gremlins / Gremlins 2: The New Batch

MR Friday the 13th (2009)

In 2009 fans of the slasher genre got a little gem that almost seemed to give new breath to the genre.
An actual fun watchable yet modern gore slasher horror movie?
And it happened  the movie was released on February.

On Friday the 13th...

Don't miss out my previous Friday the 13th-related reviews!

Friday the 13th movie series

Friday the 13th: Volume 1 (Wildstorm Comics)

#E3 2012 RECAP! Michael Bay-style

The E3 2012's over!
Time for a lil' recap, the best of the best this year.

And what better way to resume it than through this awesome Bay-o-vision!?

Michael Bay presents: Microsoft & Nintendo E3 2012 highlights:



And don't forget:
- The Best of E3 2011: Ubisoft
- The Best of E3 2010: Konami

#FanFilm Friday - Titanic SUPER 3D

Here's a pretty fun parody of all these movies getting new re-releases in 3D these days...



"Titanic is back, digitally upgraded with new 3D motion feel technology."

Pretty epic XD